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The Inner Critic

Healing for Girls and Women


Oh the voice that berates us everyday, you know that voice. The one that says something like this….

“You are not doing that right.” “You were not nice enough to her, you should go back and tell her sorry.” “If you would just try harder it would get better.” “I bet she thinks you are weird, rude, mean, ,,,,” “Oh no, I wonder if that came out wrong.”

The list goes on and on and on and on….  We sift and filter through our actions and reactions all day. We constantly question and doubt ourselves. Men experience this too, but today this post is for girls and women. As a therapist here in Asheville, NC, I have the privilege of sitting with many females young and mature. The theme is pretty consistent across the board.  We all seem to have a part of ourselves that is known as the “Inner Critic”. For many reasons, too many to list here, we develop this part who feels like it is doing us a favor by criticizing us all the time, but in reality it feels exhausting.  Most of us would just ask that it go away. Well, I would challenge that. You see, my role as a therapist is to help you better understand this part of you, to help you nurture this part, and invite healing into the inner critic. Together we learn how it came to be controlling and devaluing, and we try to understand where in your past the inner critic came to protect you. Once this happens your critic calms down, delights in the beautiful you, and notifies you when you really DO need to adjust your attitude, behavior, or mood.

For the young girl who is questioning her every move and criticizing herself to the core, I want you to know you are strong and beautiful. You are free to relax and ask your inner critic to give you a break. You are full of wonder, gifts, and courage, and you can access this part of you.

For the mature woman, you are brave and glorious. You too, hold a place inside of you that has all your wisdom, knowledge, beauty, creativity, and love. Your inner critic has been with you a long time, maybe since you were a little girl. Take a step toward healing, find a counselor, friend,or  pastor who will walk that journey with you. You deserve to be free and whole.

Vanessa offers Christian Counseling in Asheville NC, to help young girls and women to heal from the wounds of the past. Please contact her  for more information.